Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
