We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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