Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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