You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
