I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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