nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
