I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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