our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
