Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
