I wannas sexs uuuuu
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Bring me that man meat
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
