It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
