So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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