your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
