My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
