guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
