i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
