so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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