He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
