She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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