she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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