glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize