Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
