yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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