Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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