Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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