unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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