wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
