I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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