Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
