she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
