Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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