It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
