Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
