WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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