The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
