he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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