i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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