i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
They are going to name an STD after you.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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