Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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