I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
