I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
