He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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