i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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