so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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