hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
