I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
