I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
