I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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