i barfeds in our rink
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
