The best revenge is premature balding
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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