pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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