Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
