if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
