I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
