I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
