It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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