Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
