Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
