Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
