I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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