I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
