don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
