just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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